i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
