I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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