just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
