Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
