i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
