If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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