Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
