I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.