Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
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when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.