Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.