I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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