I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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