is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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