The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
