ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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