i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
