I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
