YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
