How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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