I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
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He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
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We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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