My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
nutella sex= disaster
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
