Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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