Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
