You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
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styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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