it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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