I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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