Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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