taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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