the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Pappa wants mamma naked
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I could fuck to npr.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
