Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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