Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
this hospital has no fireball
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize