Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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