: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
