the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Everything about him screamed your future.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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