I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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