6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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