Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
