And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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