Michael Bay diarrhea
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
