Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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