YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
