Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
