It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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