she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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