he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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