I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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