You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
