My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
