"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
