Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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