I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
