So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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