I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
