your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
