Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
