hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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