Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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