I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
