we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
