Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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