i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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