One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
