Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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